new camera=more real pictures!

Clint and I decided to take the money his parents were going to use on us and put it with the money we'd spend on each other and get a nice-ish camera. We really love it so far, and it's nice to have one that will auto focus since our last one is on the fritz. It works about 70% of the time, so we're hoping we can sell it for a little something and recoup some of what we spent on this one. We'll see!

I've been having a LOT of fun with the new one, though! It's so fun to capture our every day lives with something nicer than an iphone.

We spent some time with our friends celebrating "friendsgiving" when we were in Nashville last weekend and we snapped this one there. I just can't believe how big this kid is getting. He LOVES wearing his hood and always asks to have it on, even if the jacket he's got on doesn't have one. haha

We've seriously cut back on his use of our phones because the amount of times he'd ask for them throughout the day was getting ridiculous. He'd spend most of his time on educational apps and has learned a lot of animal names and noises (which are always entertaining), but for the most part, he only gets it for very short times if we've offered it to him. His concentration face cracks me up though!

We got a cuddly Elf on a Shelf for right now, and kid is LOVING IT. He'll come downstairs every morning and get excited when he sees "Felf" and plays with him regularly throughout the day giving him water and sharing snacks. I know, I know, the kid isn't supposed to touch the elf or else he'll lose his magic. But honestly, I'm not too keen on the idea of him behaving just for presents from Santa, so I'm not sure we'll emphasize that part. I see the elf evolving more of a fun guy who comes to live with us for the month of December and likes to do crazy things while Reuben's asleep. Of course, Felf is pretty boring right now because Reuben is too little to understand funny stuff and mama is too lazy to think of fun things when sitting him on the couch is thrilling enough for a 21 month old!

The places I find him nowadays crack me up. And no matter now easy it may be for him to get down, he'll always look at me with a smirk and say "Mama, 'tuck." and want me to get him down. If I'm feeling particularly nice I'll grab him and get some snuggles before letting him down, but the boy somehow miraculously knows how to climb down himself if I'm doing something else. It's amazing. ;-)

We made cookies the other day and this was about as happy as it got. Reuben was in to everything and was over it before the dough was even done. He then decided he HAD to have his craisins leftover from school the week before and threw an absolute hissy fit the last half of me rolling and cutting them out. 

I'm loving this phase of our lives and I'm so happy we've got a camera to capture the sweet moments!

life lately

This strange season has been full of a lot of repetition.

A lot of outside time.

A lot of mug making.

A lot of hanging out in my room while I get ready and playing with necklaces to stay entertained.

A lot of baths. Boys are apparently naturally stinky.

A lot of laughing.

A lot of time at Papa B and Bella's. Home gets boring.

And a whole lot of missing Dada.

playtime

Playtime has been getting so much more entertaining around our house!

Reuben's walking and getting in to everything... adorable and obnoxious at the same time. He's also started playing with us instead of just around us.

He's got the sweetest little personality and I was so happy to catch some moments over the weekend!

Here's his spread. The kid has too many toys. This isn't even all of them because we have some put away that we rotate out. That's what happens when your first Christmas and birthday are less than two months apart.

Poor kid has his molars breaking through. I know for a fact the amber necklace works and has cut down tremendously on his extra slobber, so I don't even want to know what he would look like without it...

This is the face I get when I tell him "no" to something. I call it the "who, me?" face. It's generally followed by a smirk and another attempt at whatever got the first no. Stubborn kiddo.

And out of about 50 blurry, slobbery, silly shots, I found this gem and they were all worth it.

Happy Monday, y'all!

hope: our next chapter

A few weeks after Reuben was born, Clint and I both had a strong feeling that God was calling us away from Long Hollow-our church, workplace, and family. We've both been here since we were kids and our whole world kind of revolves around it. Both of our families go here, we both work here, and just about every single one of our friends either goes or works here. We felt like God was wanting us to go somewhere new and stretch ourselves to grow, both as an adult and as a Christ follower.

To make a year long journey a short-ish story, over a year's time, Clint's had close to 10 opportunities present themselves to him. He hasn't looked for a single one. When the first one presented itself about a month after we felt the nudge from God, we were sure it was it. We even flew out to San Antonio to interview with their staff. We loved the people, the church, and the city, but found out it wasn't what God had planned for us. We were so disappointed, but then another opportunity arose in south Florida (who doesn't want to live there?!) and we figured THIS was it-why God shut the door to Texas.

But it wasn't.

And neither were the 5-6 things that followed that.

Most of them were just talks. "We may be having a position open soon. We'd love to talk to you about it" and then nothing more would come of it.

But every single time, we'd get our hopes up.

It's hard even thinking back on it. It's easily been the most frustrating year of my life. I've been so mad at and irritated with God. I felt abandoned. He had given us this sense of moving on and here we were, stuck where we've been for the last 12 years.

I had lost hope.

Then a friend called Clint and said he was going to throw his name out there for a position if it was alright with him. Clint said sure and then told me about it. I just chuckled and said whatever. I hardly thought anything of it.

And then when our friend called back and said they were interested, a little spark lit up in my heart. I wanted to think this could be it, but I was terrified to get my hopes up. They'd been let down and stepped on so many times. This scenario was too perfect. There was no way God would make us wait for a year just to hand us something so perfect, right?  (My spirit was clearly in the wrong here, because scriptures tell us over and over again that that's exactly what He does!)

The next morning, I read this verse:

God is the God of HOPE! He desires that we overflow with hope. But not in our own power- in the power of the Holy Spirit.

At that point, the spark grew to a small flame and I started to really hope in the Lord-that he was faithful to fulfill our desires from him and that his timing was perfect. I asked some friends to pray with me and for me because I knew if this didn't work out, it was going to be really hard on me.

One thing led to another and...

It's exciting and scary all at the same time. We know without a shadow of a doubt this is where God wants us, but the unknowns are creeping up on us and it's hard to not let them get to you.

If you pray, pray with us that the Lord will continue to guide us through this process. We've got to sell our house and find another one-something neither of us has ever done. We'll also be separated for a while as I stay here with Reuben and continue to work until our house sells or until August, whichever comes first (definitely pray it doesn't take that long to sell our house!!!).

We will miss our friends and family here much more than I could ever convey over a blog post, but guess what? We're only 2.5 hours away! That's a day trip. So come and visit us!

scraping a rock on a sunburn

I finally got my tattoo finished Friday afternoon. I got the outline done in October and meant to get the color done a few weeks later, but once Halloween hit, money and time disappeared and they've just reappeared now that 90% of our yearly celebrations are behind us.

You can read about the meaning behind the tattoo here.

Let me start with saying this: it's absolutely perfect. It's better than I imagined it being and I couldn't love it more! I don't have a single shred of regret for getting it.

But it hurt. BAD.

Especially the parts on my shoulder and collar bone. I think I toughed it out pretty well, honestly, but it was hard to not freak out! I wasn't expecting it to hurt since the lines seriously didn't. I think it was the times he was blending colors into already tattooed skin.

I'm flinching just thinking about it.

It seriously does feel like a dull rock scraping up against the worst sunburn you've ever had. For 2.5 hours straight.

Whew.

But it's done now! And I love it! And I'm so, so, so thankful to have a daily reminder of God's goodness and grace on my arm for the rest of my life!

life before Reuben

My MIL asks me a lot, "Do you even remember life without him?" And every time I giggle to myself and think...

absolutely.

Sleep. Sweet, sweet, sleep.

Leaving the house with just my keys and wallet.

Staying up past 10:00PM without batting an eye.

A mark free stomach.

Wearing whatever I wanted. There are just some things not worth trying to figure out how to nurse a baby in.

Vacationing with just one suitcase for the both of us.

Managable hair.

Showering leisurely on a regular basis. 

Uninterrupted meals. Where I'm only responsible for feeding myself.

Eating later than 5:30PM.

Reading.

Alone time.



Yep. I remember all those things fondly.

But I can tell you this with 110% honesty...




I wouldn't trade a single second I have with Reuben for one more day of life before him.

alive.

We're alive and well.

Just CRAZY busy.

I feel like October-February flash by in the blink of an eye. And we're not even to February yet, so you know it's bad.

Plus, winter here has been ridiculously cold. And really, the only thing I want to do at the end of the day is cuddle under a warm blanket and catch up on our DVR.

Speaking of which, we called our provider and said we wanted to cancel and instead, they lowered our bill and gave us 2 months of movie channels for free.

HOLLA!

We're still planning on not renewing our contract at the end of March, just to save a little moolah, but the next two months will be full of new releases for FREE!

We've got fun things planned over the next month. A trip to Massachusetts,  Connecticut, and New York, and our little man turning ONE! I can hardly believe it's almost been a year since he was born. It's flown by. I'll do a catch up post later this week, but until then, check out this little stud muffin.

thankfulness

I love this time of year.

It reminds me to count my blessings, one by one.

I have a LOT to be thankful for.

I know, I know... I should be thankful all year long, not just in November. And I am. But I love really, really honing in on all the blessings God has given me and rejoicing in them.

This year especially. There's a lot going on in my life I could complain about, and I've given into that temptation more than I'd really like, but when I focus on the good things, the bad things fade away and don't seem that bad.

Happiness is temporary and fleeting.

Joy is God-given and eternal.

our sorta-kinda beach trip

So our beach trip turned out to be a spend-45-mintues-at-the-beach kinda trip. But it was perfect.

Reuben got to play in the grass while we packed up the car before we left. He honestly hasn't had much exposure to it yet because he was too little to take outside during the spring and it was too blazing hot for me to want to hang out outside this summer. He was really unsure about it.

We didn't officially get on the road until around 7:00PM. And quickly discovered traveling at night is not ideal with Reuben. I'd heard all these wonderful stories of babies sleeping the whole way and never making a peep... not him. He was angry he was in his carseat and not asleep. I mean, it wasn't horrible, he only cried for about an hour combined, but it wasn't ideal.

We got there around 2:30 and got him tucked into his pack n play. I'd never actually put him to sleep in one, but he loved it so I did too.

We spent about 2 hours the first day trying to fix breakfast. We'd brought pancakes, sausage, and eggs because it's such a quick breakfast for us at home. The condo only had two small stainless steel pans. We'd never cooked on one before and we burned about 4 pancakes to a crisp before figuring it out. Even then our timing was completely off. It was a mess. But we ate! VICTORY!

Then we got in our bathing suits and went down to the pool. It had a fun little place for babies to play in fountains, a big pool, and a lazy river.

Awesome.

I just wish the water hadn't been 33 degrees so that we could've enjoyed more of it.

I was sure the second I sat Reuben down in the water he'd freak out, but he loved it! He rode around on my lap in the lazy river and had such a good time.

After a late lunch, we headed over to the beach. Reuben was pretty indifferent to it all, but we had fun watching him!

Dinner was at a place called TackyJacks and all the seating was bar level, so they had one of those highchairs that attaches to the table. Genius. And so, so cool!

After Reuben went to sleep, we stayed up playing too many games of Clue. We're a wild bunch, you guys. And by the way, I won a game! woo hoo!

Day two was way too cold to do anything in the water, so Whitney and I decided to go to the Tanger Outlets.

Duh.

Problem: Only had one car. Austin had to work and the last thing Clint wanted to do was tag along with us. So we decided to all go eat at Lamberts: House of the Throwed Roll (YUM!) and Clint would drop us off while he went to see Gravity by himself. Great idea... until you walk around for 3 hours with a baby in an Ergo (didn't bring the stroller), shopping bags, and a really heavy diaper bag. And Whitney is 25 weeks pregnant so she was no better off. It was rough, y'all.

Total first world problems.

 Reuben took a great nap in the ergo though. Look at those lips. I'm in love.

The day ended with another yummy dinner and more Clue.

Our last morning, we ate up some leftovers, packed up, and headed out to the beach for an obligatory family beach picture since we completely forgot the first day.

I have no idea how we went 4 whole days without getting any pictures of the 5 1/2 of us. Reuben literally thinks Austin is the funniest person on the planet. He smiles and laughs at him so much! He and Whitney are so, SO good with Reu. I can't wait for their baby girl to be here in February!

The drive home started off wonderfully! Got on the road around 2:00 and Reuben blissfully fell asleep for a few naps.

Then the sun went down.

And the tears started.

About an hour from home, I was desperate for relief, so I broke out some Baby Einstein and Baby First TV. Baby boy was so angry he was watching it, but it stopped the screaming so I consider it a win.

Overall it was a wonderfully weekend getaway! I can't wait for next year when Reuben's got his little girlfriend, baby girl Rion, to play with.

Yay for more babies!

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N

We're at Orange Beach, AL for the weekend.
 
HALLELUJAH!

This mama needs a break!

Well, Reuben's with us. So it's not a mama-break, but it's a real-world break which is just as nice.

Can't wait to come back and tell y'all all about it!

In the meantime, look at the chunka love in his beach garb.

That was 4 long months ago. Can't wait to see it actually fit him now!

Hasta la vista, baby!

the Lord gives. the Lord takes away. Part 2.

Make sure you read part one before reading this.



So, the Lord had given us a baby.

And then the Lord took that baby away to be with Him.

I had been meditating in the fact that no matter what, the Lord was to be praised, but seriously? Why couldn't he have just given us that precious babe and never taken it away? Why did he have to bring that scripture up to me over and over and over again? It was like rubbing salt in a wound. Every time I thought of it, I'd instantly be angry that I had to know the side of praising the Lord even when He took something away. Let's be real. It's easy to praise the Lord when He's given us something! When he's taken that something away? It gets a lot harder.

The days following the miscarriage I cried. A LOT. Like an ugly, ugly cry. I'd never felt pain/hurt/sorrow like I did in those days. I was mad at God. SO mad. It wasn't fair. And I felt broken. Why couldn't my body carry a baby? And I felt so, so, so alone. Every where I looked was a reminder of the baby that wasn't going to be coming home with us in December.

But you know what?

Through all of it, God was good. More than good. He was great.

I'm honestly having a hard time putting into words how well He took care of us and how much he blessed us through the following days, but I want to share some moments so that He gets the glory and so that I'll never forget. Some of them are huge and some of them are so small you'll probably laugh that I even consider them a God thing. But every single one was proof of God not leaving us and was loving us so, so well...

- On Sunday, before we knew for sure what was happening, we jokingly said if we lost the baby, we'd tack on a trip to Disney World before our cruise because "You can't be sad at the happiest place on Earth." When we got off the phone with the nurse on Monday afternoon, Clint said, "Looks like we're heading to Disney." We had no money for that. Like zero. But we needed to get away. To put our minds somewhere else after the 48 hours of torture they'd already endured. Well, between Monday afternoon and Tuesday night before we'd gone to bed, we'd gotten a little over $500 out of no where. We hadn't asked anybody for a single penny, but between friends and family feeling prompted by God, we'd gotten close to $225 and then opened an envelope from our bank that had a $300 check from "overages on our escrow." I asked my dad if that happened a lot and he said no and we've never seen a check like it since that night. The money we'd gotten covered our gas, hotel room, tickets, and food in the park PERFECTLY. None left over, but nothing uncovered.

- Our friends went above and beyond taking care of us. We let our small group know what was going on Sunday and they jumped into action. Our friends Micha and Hunter came over with lunch, watched a movie with us, and prayed over us before they left. Our other friends Cara and Jason dropped off a surprise on our doorstep of goodies for our trip. We had constant texts telling us they were praying for us and encouragement for the long road ahead. God has surrounded us with the best friends we could ever ask for.

- A guy who works in our student ministry as a volunteer worked for Gaylord at the time and told us earlier in the year that he'd hook us up with a room at Gaylord Palms and a car to and from our cruise ship for only $100. We gladly took him up on the offer! So fast forward to Friday. We're exhausted by 6:00 pm because neither of us had been sleeping well so we decided to peace out of Magic Kingdom and go to our room and try and get sleep before our cruise. When we got to our room, we found out it wasn't an average room. He'd gotten us a suite that was bigger than our first apartment! It was gigantic. and perfect. and exactly the surprise we needed to lift our spirits.

- Sitting in our massive suite, our moods still started to droop. Night times were just so hard. Clint was getting ready for bed in the bathroom and I was sitting in the living room, trying not to cry when I heard a knock on the door. I opened it and It was a tray full of goodies with a note from JB. Not only were there goodies, they were my FAVORITE goodies! It was Dr. Pepper, Diet Coke, chocolate chip cookies with milk, Peanut M&MS, and a few bags of potato chips. There was no way they knew those were all of my favorite guilty pleasures. It was a God thing. He knew I needed that little ray of sun in that moment.

- We booked our cruise in March 2011 and had it paid off 4-5 months before any of this ever happened. It was not a coincidence that it was 6 days after our miscarriage. The Lord knew we were going to need to get away and had provided it, before we ever knew it was a need.

Those are just the moments that happened the week after. There've been countless more. Like the fact God put me in a small group of staff wives where 4 out of the other 6 had experienced pregnancy loss. Or the time two dear friends prayed over me, at two different times, saying they felt like the Lord was going to give us another child soon, while I was already pregnant with Reuben and had no idea!

My relationship with Clint and with God changed completely on April 22, 2012. I know, love, and trust Clint in a deeper way than before. We grew up a lot. We were forced to be honest with each other. We saw sides of each other we'd never seen before, even after being best friends since middle school. And I know, love, and trust God more now than I ever have. I had to rely on him. He was my only hope. My only constant in a crazy storm. The only one who had any answers and who could provide comfort that passed all understanding.

Yes, we have a sweet child here on Earth with us now. And pray that we'll have more and more. But there will always be a special place in my heart for that baby. I long for the day I get to meet them in heaven. Until then, my prayer is that their life, no matter how short it was, will count. That what I learned from it will be able to help other women going through the same thing. You are NOT alone.

I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever ask to be put through that. Like, EVER. But.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God. Is. Good.