the body of Christ

It's been two years since our miscarriage today.

It's such a strange feeling. Part of me feels like it was a lifetime ago. But there's another part of me that can still feel the pain and loss like it happened yesterday.

I try to not let that part win.

I'm so incredibly thankful for Reuben and his life. I know that he wouldn't be here if we hadn't lost that baby, but I can't help but wonder who that baby would've grown up to be.

Would it be another rambunctious, mischievous, little boy? Or would I be having tea parties with my little tutu-wearing girl?

I saw my facebook post from that day on TimeHop...

I still feel this way two years later.

God had us positioned perfectly for Him to show his love for us through his Body. We had meals brought to us by our small group, prayers for and with us, and plenty of people to just BE with us. Nobody tried to fix anything or offer any encouraging words. They were just in it with us. And that's exactly what we needed.

I've said it before, but God used that baby's short life to change ours entirely. We came to fully understand the purpose of the Body of Christ. That we're to be the hands and feet of Jesus. Yes, we felt peace from knowing the baby was in heaven and that God had a plan, but that peace was amplified through our friends and family's love and support.

Since our loss, I've had several of my friends go through hard times where they need someone to be in it with them. They don't need to be told they'll get over it one day. They don't need to be told life goes on. They don't need to be told it could be worse. They need me to roll up my sleeves and get in there with them. To cry with them. To listen to them. To tell them, "You know what? This sucks. I'm so, so sorry."

Food never hurts, too. ;-)

But seriously. People need you WITH them. That's part of our job as a member of the Body. To let struggling people know God is WITH them. He hasn't left them to fend on their own. He's there for them even more than we ever could be. Sometimes it just takes a little reminding.

I wouldn't know that the way I do if it wasn't for that sweet, sweet little baby. I praise and thank God for it's life and legacy.

birthday par-tay!

You guys.

I wish I could relive Reuben's first birthday party over and over and over again. It was easily the best day of his short life. He's such a people baby. Having a day devoted to celebrating him was his biggest baby dream come true!

We decided on "Up!" as the theme. Clint and I both love that movie and I knew we could do some fun, simple things to tie it all together.

The vanilla cupcakes were dyed blue to be like the sky and then a dumdum rolled in sprinkles looked like a ton of balloons floating up through clouds!

We surrounded his high chair with balloons. Helium just didn't seem necessary and we really didn't want to spend that much just for a few hours. Plus a floor full of balloons was apparently a genius idea, but we'll get to that later.

Food was really simple. We did a rainbow tray of fruits and veggies, popcorn ball "clouds", and mini corn dogs. Everything was gone by the time the party was over, so I'd say it was all a hit!

Ok, so back to the balloons. If you're having a lot of young kids over to your house and you have no idea how to keep them all entertained for HOURS.... use balloons. All the kids were 5 and under and they had a blast! Plus, it was so funny watching them all interact, it was perfect entertainment for the adults!

This year was the year of the blocks. Reuben got a ton of them! I can't wait for him to get big enough to build stuff with me and Clint. Blocks just seem like the quintessential little boy toy. I love them!

The cake was a hit! He wasn't sure what to do with it at first, but after his first bite, he was hooked. He was a hot mess by the end and the few wet paper towels I had weren't going to cut it. Baby boy needed a middle of the party bath!

Please. Take a second to admire the aqua-ness of that bath water...

We went back downstairs to watch the movie Up! while enjoying his first slice of pizza with any friends who wanted to stay and eat dinner with us.

I couldn't help but tear up while I was rocking him to sleep that night. We love Reuben. Like a LOT. And he's incredibly special to us. But he's our kid. Of course we're going to love him.

But to see our friends who CHOOSE to love him so well, joining with us to celebrate his first year... y'all I'm getting teary eyed just typing this. 

It's just something special.

life before Reuben

My MIL asks me a lot, "Do you even remember life without him?" And every time I giggle to myself and think...

absolutely.

Sleep. Sweet, sweet, sleep.

Leaving the house with just my keys and wallet.

Staying up past 10:00PM without batting an eye.

A mark free stomach.

Wearing whatever I wanted. There are just some things not worth trying to figure out how to nurse a baby in.

Vacationing with just one suitcase for the both of us.

Managable hair.

Showering leisurely on a regular basis. 

Uninterrupted meals. Where I'm only responsible for feeding myself.

Eating later than 5:30PM.

Reading.

Alone time.



Yep. I remember all those things fondly.

But I can tell you this with 110% honesty...




I wouldn't trade a single second I have with Reuben for one more day of life before him.

thankfulness

I love this time of year.

It reminds me to count my blessings, one by one.

I have a LOT to be thankful for.

I know, I know... I should be thankful all year long, not just in November. And I am. But I love really, really honing in on all the blessings God has given me and rejoicing in them.

This year especially. There's a lot going on in my life I could complain about, and I've given into that temptation more than I'd really like, but when I focus on the good things, the bad things fade away and don't seem that bad.

Happiness is temporary and fleeting.

Joy is God-given and eternal.